We all have been at a point in our lives where we expressed disapproval for the words we said in a situation, our actions or silence. It could have been a time when you said what you should not have said or kept silent when you really should have spoken.
This could be a defining moment; it could have empowered or dis-empower you base on how you felt about it. As a trauma survivor, you may have learned that blaming can hinder your recovery process and the thriving post traumatic life your desire. So instead of blaming, why not give yourself feedback?
Your spontaneous state arises from a message your emotions transmit to you. A reaction to the message may be anger, sadness, loneliness, hurt and I will like to assume if you rest on the side of blaming, you probably didn’t feel happy, love or grateful.
In every situation instead of tormenting yourself for what you did or could have done, why not try this approach:
- Acknowledge the emotion! This is a moment of practicing awareness. One of the mistakes I made in the past is to refuse to admit I feel a certain emotion. For example, I could say I am not angry although my actions clearly say otherwise. When you do this, the emotion you are numbing will explode at any time in future. Own your emotions.
- Analyze the situation! This is the opportunity to deeply understand the message. It will show where you need to take responsibility, what to take home from the emotions and what you need to discard.
- Act! After you acknowledge and analyze, what is one action you can take to improve the quality of your life or relationship? Remember an action base on emotion can be disastrous; however an action after analyzing the situation could be beneficial.