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You depend on Him but He depends on you!

TAKEIT

Have you ever anxiously expected a Parcel? Day after day you wait for a knock on the day supposing the delivery person will drop it off to you. After waiting and waiting, you realize that it was delivered to another occupant of the house over a week ago. This sweet person kept the parcel in a nice spot for you to discover it. The entire time, you have been complaining and cursing when all you needed to do was to look around and pick up what rightfully belongs to you.

This describes an attitude we carry along when expecting a change in our situation.  We believe God has the remote control of our lives. That is totally correct. He is the author, the originator, and creator (Hebrews 12:2) of our entire being. However, it doesn’t end there and that is the point we miss.

Daily we go to him crying, begging and asking Him to change our situation because He is the author. Whereas, He turns towards us and say, “I have given you all that you need (2 Peter1:3), what else do you want me to do?”

So, what can you do to get the future you desire?

  1. Take responsibility: You cannot continue blaming external forces and people including your family members for the state of your wellbeing. Complain is the number one killer of achievement.
  2. Take control: If you identify yourself as a child of God, there is a power in you which is greater than whatever may be against you including what you have been through.
  3. Take Possession: Everything you need has already been given to you. Explore your potentials and you will be amazed at the gifts and talents which are lying dormant in you.

With Love and Gratitude, enjoy the blessings of God!

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I CRY, MY BELOVED!


“Comfort, yes, comfort my people,” says your God. Isaiah 40:1 TLB

Years ago as a teenager, I came across the bestselling novel Cry, the beloved country by Alan Paton. I don’t remember much of what I read but I do remember saying, “Thank God my country is peaceful.” Can I still say the same words with respect to the beloved country of my birth: Cameroon? Absolutely Not!

When I hear the stories from loved ones and friends, see the videos and images on social media and read the news from multiple post and channels, I can’t help but cry.

Courtesy: Mr. Leo-Artist

Why do I cry? I will tell you.

I cry for the young girls, boys, children, women, and men who are being raped daily.

I cry for the people who have been maimed; rendered paralyzed and incapacitated.

I cry for the souls whose breath have been snatched by the crisis.

I cry for the children, mother, father, grandparents, brothers, sisters, cousins grieving the sudden departure of their loved one and breadwinner.

I cry for the loving family who has no choice but to relocate to the forest because their homes have been burned to ashes or their existence on earth is threatened.

I cry for the vibrant villages which are now deserted because its inhabitants have to run away from stray bullets.

I cry for the homes tearing apart because the heat from the unstable source of income impends internal peace.

I cry for young men and women in the diaspora who pick up a phone call just to be informed that the entire family back home has been wiped away by a bomb dropped by a helicopter.

This list can go on and on…

But, why do I cry?

Cry
Courtesy – Kemi Ashu

I cry because the effects of trauma last way longer than the initial incident.

Above all else, I cry for the millions of trauma survivors all around the world drowning in their silence.

They are silent because when they first spoke out about their abuse, violence and grieve, no one believed them. Others laughed, mocked at them while another group joked about the incident.

That doesn’t tell everyone’s story.  Perhaps, they are silent because they are still to muster the courage to speak up or they just don’t have the right words to explain their circumstances.

That leads us to the question; what will happen to the new breed of trauma survivors who will emerge from this ongoing crisis?

Are they going to join the bandwagon to buckle in their emotional struggles?

Love – Light – Live!

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Love & Forgiveness

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

One of the best gifts you can give the world is an example of how to love you and what forgiveness means to you. The best way I know to do this is to demonstrate to them by the way you do it to yourself. Many of us have searched or are still searching for people to love us. We seek others to forgive us where we have erred.

Most people, whether they recognize it or not are looking for one thing – love. We are in a search of who or what to love and who or what to love us back. Are we going to recognize what we seek if it stands in our presence?

It is also in our human nature to tend to accept only what we can recognize. If I come to you and tell you I love you, it probably won’t mean much to you. But if you see how much I love myself, it might move you to want me to extend that love to you.

Love and forgiveness extended to yourself is a demonstration that you have accepted yourself. The reason self-acceptance is important is that you cannot make a meaningful improvement on yourself if you haven’t first accepted who you are.

Excerpt from The caged Giant (page 22-23). Get it @ manuelconnections.com/books

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Inspiration not Pity

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Take control of how you reflect and talk about the issues of your life. Today makes it 23 years since my father passed away.

For the longest time, I lived in denial that his death had any effect on me. In secondary and high school, every time a friend lost a parent and I saw their anguish, I would say to myself, it’s a good thing my father died when I was eight years old and at a time when I had few memories of him.

I will move on to remind myself of the things I would have done better if he was still alive. All that did was bring tears and pain pushing me deeper into grief.

When I started focusing on the fond memories I had of him, the ones filled with joy, laughter and happiness, they always brought a smile to my face. Whenever I have thoughts of my father death, the incident of his last days playing in my mind, I would switch that with the good memories I have of him. Dwelling on the good memories will not bring him back to life but it will renew my strength to face life with positivity.

You can have a whole new life in front if you decide to change the narrative and face the future.

You should consider letting go of the stories of the people who offended you and offend you. If you are on planet Earth people will continue to offend you. You may choose to dwell on it or delete the incident and focus on the good stories or some other exciting incident.

Whrn it cones to abuse, I understand it could be hard to have fond stories of someone who abused you but if you are in a safe environment now, talk about those incidents for inspiration and not for pity.

If you had such experiences, what have you achieved being bitter and resentful? You have to empower yourself by dropping the hurt and move forward in your life.

Don’t imprison your destiny because someone hurt you. They may be living their life while you are in a cage mourning about how they didn’t treat you right. Your past is not supposed to determine your future, you can have a whole new life in front of you decide to drop the past and face the future.

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KEEP IT!

astronomy dark dawn dusk
Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

There is no person on this earth who has not had the opportunity to get frustrated, to be bitter, have a sour face or simply put: get angry.

What is your story? A parent or family member abandoned you? A friend was rude to you? Or a neighbor or relative abused you?

Life is full of unfavorable circumstances. There are thousands of promises in the Bible but there is not a single one which says you are going to have a trouble-free life. NO-NOT-ONE!  People who don’t do the right thing and those who don’t treat you well are always going to exist. My question is; how do you respond to their actions?

You could do one of two things:

  1. You may choose to give them control over your joy because no one can take it from you but you can give it away.
  2. You can control your joy by asking yourself, “is it worth giving my joy to the person who hurt me?”

You see, when you have sleepless nights over the person who hurt you an hour, a year or twenty years ago, what you are doing is giving them the opportunity to have your joy and peace. Do not let the things you can’t control sour your life. Your life can be sweet if you quit letting the same people and same memories upset you.

Don’t go back to your childhood and give your joy to the person who violated you. It may have been thirty years; the person has not changed or shown any remorse. Don’t let that bother you because you can change.

You cannot control people’s actions but you can change your reaction to their action. Whatever your offender did was their choice. Today you can choose to move on to a life of happiness. There is no greater moment of freedom than when you make the decision to keep your joy no matter what comes against you mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Nothing can keep you from your destiny. God loves you and I love you too!

 

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RESOLVING INTERNAL CONFLICT

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Photo by Porapak Apichodilok on Pexels.com

We all have been at a point in our lives where we expressed disapproval for the words we said in a situation, our actions or silence. It could have been a time when you said what you should not have said or kept silent when you really should have spoken.

This could be a defining moment; it could have empowered or dis-empower you base on how you felt about it. As a trauma survivor, you may have learned that blaming can hinder your recovery process and the thriving post traumatic life your desire. So instead of blaming, why not give yourself feedback?

Your spontaneous state arises from a message your emotions transmit to you. A reaction to the message may be anger, sadness, loneliness, hurt and I will like to assume if you rest on the side of blaming, you probably didn’t feel happy, love or grateful.

In every situation instead of tormenting yourself for what you did or could have done, why not try this approach:

  1. Acknowledge the emotion! This is a moment of practicing awareness. One of the mistakes I made in the past is to refuse to admit I feel a certain emotion. For example, I could say I am not angry although my actions clearly say otherwise. When you do this, the emotion you are numbing will explode at any time in future. Own your emotions.
  2. Analyze the situation! This is the opportunity to deeply understand the message. It will show where you need to take responsibility, what to take home from the emotions and what you need to discard.
  3. Act! After you acknowledge and analyze, what is one action you can take to improve the quality of your life or relationship? Remember an action base on emotion can be disastrous; however an action after analyzing the situation could be beneficial.

LOVE! LIGHT! LIVE!

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Release Your Emotions

 

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Talk about stuffing your emotions and I can tell you all about it because I was an expert at it. I am so grateful for the works of Dr. Brené Brown because it introduced me to a new perspective of vulnerability.

In her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and lead; she defines Vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.”

As someone born and raised in a culture and religion which did not encourage expressing your emotions, what I learned from stockpiling is that bottled emotions bring shame, pain, and fear. Bottled emotions are a timely bomb waiting to explode! Trust me when I say this because I have walked down that pathway.

Shame comes from hiding the truth about your feelings and its counterpart fear walks hand in gloves with it because of the uncertainty of the future; uncertainty of your emotions being released in a location and manner you dread.

Let me highlight pain out of the trio because it is something which has no favorites. It visits everyone but how do you respond to it? What you have to know is that when you choose to numb your pain, you are simultaneously numbing your happiness.

You may have heard the saying “your emotions are messengers.” However, when you choose not to be vulnerable, you are ignoring the messages your emotions have come to convey.

When next your emotions show up, release it:

  1. Tell someone exactly how you feel. Personally, during these moments I do not hesitate to tell God how I feel. He created every part of me including the emotions so he can handle everything I tell Him.
  2. Listen to Him for instructions and directions. He always talks back, sometimes in words and ways you do not expect. However, His ways are always perfect. He could lead you to a relative, friend, counselor or event where you will find the support you need.
  3. Rise up and face life again. Before you give up on your dream, I urge you to give it one last try. You may have experienced frustration, anger and hurt but don’t give up.

How can you express vulnerability today? Remember “Courage is not the absence of fear; it is taking action even when you are afraid.”- Unknown

LIVE COURAGEOUSLY, BE VULNERABLE!